I really hate to have my first blog post this year (and first in a few months) be as lame as a post about popcorn, but I could not help it. The weird after taste and knowing I ingested chemicals I normally refuse to eat, has really got to me… so here it goes.
Dear Mr. Redenbacher,
Orville I know you are dead, but your family / ConAgra foods are tainting your good name and the quality company you once built. First off a few years ago they made a really creepy computer generated version of yourself which I covered here: Orville Redenbacher – Back From The Dead. Now they are using your sweet face and name on a box that is FULL OF LIES.
I was shopping at the grocery store and went down the snack soft drink isle and though I would like some sweet sweet popcorn. So I browsed the different types, and saw one that sounded good. Orville Redenbacher's Kettle Korn – "Slightly sweet & slightly salty". It sounded perfect. A quick glance at the box, I see your pretty face on it, along with the words "Naturally Sugar Free". Perfect, I throw it in my cart, head home, and pop, pop, POP it up a few days down the road.
At first all is good, but then I get a sickening sweet/wrong taste in my mouth after eating this. A similar aftertaste when you eat something with SweetNLow or one of those other chemical sweeteners. So I drink a glass of water, try and shake it and check out the box. Sure enough Orville, you rascally ol' devil, you slipped in the unnatural/disgusting/etc ARTIFICIAL sweetener Sucralose in it (street name of Splenda).
So on the front of your box it says, "Naturally Sugar Free", and on the back of the box it shows an artificial/potentially unsafe sweetener called Sucralose.
Being both old and dead, I am guessing you do not know what Sucralose is… let me give you some quotes and some links to follow up on.
A Sugar Association complaint to the Federal Trade Commission points out that "Splenda is not a natural product. It is not cultivated or grown and it does not occur in nature." – wikipedia
Sucralose is derived from sugar through a patented, multi-step process that selectively substitutes three chlorine atoms for three hydrogen-oxygen groups on the sugar molecule. The tightly bound chlorine atoms create a molecular structure that is exceptionally stable. – IFIC
SPLENDA® Sucralose is manufactured by a multi-step patented process which starts with cane sugar. The process selectively replaces three hydrogen-oxygen groups on the sugar molecule with three chlorine atoms. The result is a sweetener that is approximately 600 times sweeter than sugar. – Tate & Lyle (patent owners)
So last I checked, most things that are NATURAL, do not go through a multi step – patented process that replaces parts of the molecules with chlorine atoms.
Here are some pictures (click on them to see the full details) just so you do not think I am trying to pull an 'ol fasty on big Orv:
So there you have it Orville, I hope I have showed you that there is nothing natural about sucralose, and that your are full of it when you put "Naturally Sugar Free" on your Kettle Korn popcorn box. I am truly disappointed in you Mr. Redenbacher, and hope that you do what you can to see that this little slip up gets corrected. In the future please keep Sucralose out of your products, or do not try to pass them off as "Naturally Sugar Free".
Your long time fan,
George aka Werty aka "The Trose"