Trose Trillion Dollar Bailout

February 7, 2009 · 1 comment

in Rants

I was reading one of the many articles about how our economy is f’d and I was looking at “football f’n”(as in 2 monkeys f’n a football) going on in Washington. Anyhow I guess there is some awesome new bailout program they are trying to come up with which is supposed to stimulate the economy and only cost 800 billion dollars.

Being the genius I am, I am came up with a much better plan to use that money:

According to the population clock, the current population in the US is: 305,767,035

If you take 800 billion and divide it by the US population you get $2610 per person.

I say screw anyone who never paid in, so you cut out the people who have not paid taxes. According to wikipedia, there are 138 million taxpayers in the US.

So now you take 800 trillion and divide it by 138 million taxpayers: $5797 per tax payer!

Now you just do not give that money away!

You have a strict set of rules that people need to follow in order to get the full amount:

  1. You must spend the money within 60 days – I think this is the most important. People will just save it if you let them. So do not let them.
  2. You can pay down dept with money, including medical, educational, mortgages, credit cards, etc.  However you must have the debt for at least 120 days prior to the date when this announced and have proof of it, or maybe a low/crappy credit score/be in collections, etc etc.
  3. If you do not have debt, pat yourself on the back, but get some “good dept” (lol). You can use this money towards a down payment to either first time home purchase, new car/boat/plane/motorcycle/jet ski (not used, and has to be in the dealers inventory)
  4. You must spend the money within the USA. Sorry foreign countries, print your own money.

Now if you fail to meet that criteria, you can still get some “free stimulus” to help out other sectors. You would need rules on this too:

  • Set the limit slightly less of the debt recovery section. Maybe $5000?
  • 30-60 day expiration period on these “government gift cards”.
  • Maybe they are made by Visa or Amex, whoever wants to get on board.
  • Make them in the following denominations; $250, $500, $1000, $2000, $5000. That would force people to think about what they want or need. Also you would allow it for anything in those sectors except for giftcards.
  • Make it as good as cash, but only to places who accept VISA/Amex/MC. Since that stuff is trackable it screws any cash only businesses from the stimulus.

These are the sectors I am thinking you could get cards in:

  1. Travel: you can get $5000 to blow on a trip anywhere in the US, airfare, hotels, meals, etc OR You can get $5000 to book a return trip anywhere in the world. You could also just get the $5000 travel card and eat out for every meal in your own city for that 30-60 day expiration period.
  2. Retail:  Superstores like Amazon/Walmart/Target would fit in here, and you could use this for anything in the store. You could use it at any mall, any clothing store, etc, etc, etc. I would think hardware stores and such would fit in here as well.
  3. Grocery: If groceries are your concern get a few grocery cards. Stock up and remember they expire in 60 days.
  4. Service: auto repair, work on your home, massages, etc etc etc
  5. Education: You could use it for existing school, or use it “as good as cash’ towards any real college.
  6. Dept: As mentioned above.

Obviously this plan needs some fine tuning but I think it is a pretty good start. I think it may be better if you issue it as a whole new currency… like a whole separate “credit card” system.

I kind of like the name “Bailout Bucks” better than “Government Gift Cards”.

What are your thoughts, what would you change/add to this?

I think I would get $1000 in travel and visit some friends, $1000 in service and do some work around the house (better insulation, new drywall in some spots, ceiling fan, and paint), $2000 in retail for new appliances and $500 in travel for eating out like a maniac. I would also drink on it if that was allowed.

If you got this money would you pay down debt? or what would you blow it on? Foreigners, are you jealous of us Americans?

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

1 httpwebwitch 02.09.09 at 10:13 am

Oh yeah, real jealous.

US national debt is only 10.7 TRILLION dollars. So, dump some more on and give it out to the people so they can buy more cars and beer and garden gnomes and Wiis and other shit they can’t otherwise afford. That’s what the USA needs to stimulate the economy – a big, national materialist circle jerk. Walmart will make a killing, selling you all that fantastic stuff made in China. Blow a wad on Uncle Sam, and you’ll all feel good – at least for as long as the orgasm lasts! Then y’all will just have to get back to work (or not) to pay it off (or not)

Not to be hypocritical, I’m equally pissed at Canada for breaking their “balanced budget” streak… the Canadian debt hasn’t increased for 10 years, it’s actually gone down. Until this year. The amount owed per capita isn’t really that much lower than our American counterparts (over $20K per person).

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