Products that make me angry:

July 31, 2006 · 7 comments

in Rants

I received a sharper image catalog in the mail a few days ago and it had a series of products that make me wonder what the hell is wrong with society. If you are wondering why I get the catalog, I ordered something out of there a few months ago that charges my ipod when attached to a gift that my dad got for me and my sis. It is pretty cool actually and lets you listen to music in the shower, or take it with you outside, etc. I used to use it quit often, but now I have not even been listening to my ipod…actually lately I do not spend much time AWAY from my computer! It is bad…

Anyhow back to products that make me angry:

Locate 1
The first item makes me want to smash and destroy things and allows you to “Secretly track anything that moves”. It is an item roughly the size of a cell phone that lets its users place it in small places, such as the trunk of a car, stashed in a child’s backpack etc. (those were their suggestions).

What the item is, is a tracking device that uses GPS and allows the owner to log into their computer and use something that resembles google maps to track the item (person) in real time (real time for alerts based on distance or speed, hourly updates otherwise).

The reason this drives me mad is who needs to track people that closely…the other reason why this is such bullshit is that it’s the public version of what the wonderful US of A made all new cell phones have. (check here for more info abut e911) . So if this is now available to any dickwad with an extra $500 laying around that means that or big brother can be doing the same.

I am happy that I bought a complete piece of shit phone for around $30 that does not have GPS tracking in it. If you are worried about the e911 feature I would look into a world phone or unlocked GSM phone from overseas. You should be able to use it on any GSM network in the USA, without the ability to track via GPS. Please note I am probably wrong about this…

Anyhow LOCATE 1 is a complete shit product in my mind, and I hope no one ever tracks my whereabouts. And if they want to, I am either on the computer, in the kitchen, in bed, or on the shitter!

Item 2: A counter top garlic roaster. This is just ridiculous, why would you need a countertop version? Why are there so many kitchen gadgets of such low value? It says it roasts garlic 4x faster than a conventional oven… wow. Who needs this? I am angry about this because I do not have one (joking – I roast garlic like twice a year and do not have the counter space or desire for it)

Item 3: Another great item for the person who does not need anything and who wants a $50 solution to a 25 cent problem is the “you can see clearly now! Deluxe eyeglass cleaner” . Pretty much this thing is an ultrasonic cleaner geared towards eye glass use. It take up space, an outlet and comes with a clothe so you can polish your glasses….if you have to polish them how clean do they get? The other kicker on this is that it takes 40 seconds for the thing to clean the glasses. Using hot water and soap I can clean mine in about 20 seconds and I did not have to take up more room, or an outlet to do so…and I saved $50.

I will sell my version for $4.95, it is called get a fucking clue and it is instructions on how to use soap and water to clean your glasses. Pay me via paypal.

What are some of the most worthless products you have seen?

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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

1 your_store 07.31.06 at 8:16 am

Ah, I couldn't agree more. At least you haven't sold your soul to the devil too, or you'd be making ppc ads for garlic roasters right along w/ me…..

2 mikey 07.31.06 at 9:33 pm

hey you jerk, remember when you "roasted" garlic on the grill and all you did was destroy it. if anyone needs one, you do.

3 Werty 07.31.06 at 9:36 pm

still a prick mikey!

4 Brian Roberts 04.17.07 at 10:46 pm

Does your hot water and soap have silicon in it that will fill the scratches on the lenses? I highly doubt it, that is the main purpose of the eyeglass cleaner you moron. Read item descriptions before you open your mouth!

5 Werty 04.17.07 at 10:57 pm

Hey "shit dick", I actually just use a microfiber cloth and my glasses remain streak and scratch free. I saved about 49.99 on getting one of those machines.

By the way you are offended by my post it sounds like either you are the inventor or manufacturer of that sweet product.

I am guessing I could just use that cleaner and my cloth if I really wanted to fill the scratches, but I will just take care of my glasses.

Thanks for your input, but you can fuck off.

6 Werty 04.17.07 at 10:59 pm

Also it appears that the actual "cleaner" makes no mention of the scratch filling capability.

http://www.sharperimage.com/us/en/catalog/product/sku__SI934

Brian Roberts, you failed.

7 me 03.23.08 at 1:52 am

You all need to get a life !!

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